Peel three pearl onions.
Remove the tops from all the jalapeno peppers remaining from the garden. (In my case about 15 small-sized peppers, in a mixture of red and green, that had been sitting in the fridge for a week or two. Most recipes recommend two or three peppers.)
Dice everything to an even consistency. You're aiming for something like a relish, not gazpacho. Mix with 1 tbsp lemon juice and a few shakes of salt.
After warning onlookers to stand clear of the resulting fireball, sample and adjust to taste.