Can I show you XXY ZZY?
You can access our marketplace of over 45,000 technical contractors tied directly to an amazing workflow management software system. I would like to see if we can demonstrate our service.
The following does a good job showing how we work:
XXY ZZY was ranked #43 on Inc. 500 for growth from 2010-2013, #3 in Business Services. There is no charge to utilize our system.
Are you the right contact or could you point me in the right direction?
Thanks for the help,
Do I want "technical contractors"? I don't know.
What problems will this help me solve? What would bring me to your web site? How does your "workflow management software" benefit me--- doesn't sound like anything I use.
Why do I care how fast you're growing? (That's a question for later if I decide you have something I want.)
At Tintri's sales kickoff we had Chip Heath as one of the speakers, about making ideas "sticky". He talked about making your idea simple, unexpected, concrete, credible, and emotional. He talked about telling stories rather than stats. About casting your company as the supporting actor, not the hero.
At least the recruiter spam references positions I'm actually looking to fill (even if I'm not the hiring manager...) This example just seemed to fail on every possible count after getting my name correct.